Well, look who’s here! It’s me, back writing after an irrational hiatus fueled by bad luck and dark thoughts… Welcome to The Anxiety Tales, a fun guide on how to overcome mental freezing while moving abroad or just living life. Am I the best person to give you life advice? Maybe not. But I understand you and will try to help you if you need as much help as me.
Cambridge Dictionary defines “anxiety” as the medical term for feeling a constant kick to your privates, but in your thoughts. Sometimes taken lightly, anxiety can lead to serious conditions and affect your life in every aspect, so here’s how to identify it: it’s mainly unjustified fear and restlessness, sort of like the butterflies in your stomach’s evil twin. Moths in your colon? Who knows, but first let me introduce you to the signs of anxiety you may be overseeing in your daily life.
Warning Signs of Anxiety
It’s no secret that immigrants like to play the heroes. We are used to acting indestructible and evading any signs of what we perceive as “weakness”. But anxiety, although we cannot see it or identify it very well sometimes, can give you as much physical and mental stress as any other medical condition. My psychiatrist always says that mental health issues are just as important as any other health issue. You don’t break a leg and say “oh well, I will go see a doctor once I get some extra money”. So if you’re experiencing any of these symptoms, please seek help:
- Sleep problems. This is one of the first warning signs for mental health issues, and it’s a terrible vicious circle: stress and worrying leads to lack of sleep, which leads to tiredness, which leads to difficulty coping with daily life, and ends up in low self-esteem. Which leads to more stress and worrying.
- Unexplainable aches. Headaches? Backache? Any unexplainable recurrent pain could be a sign of stress and anxiety. Your mind plays a huge role in your wellbeing and there are plenty of medical studies to support this fact.
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Anxiety keeps you in a permanent state of alert. Some of us are not Darwin’s favorites and have all that worrying affect our bowel movement and digestive health in general.
- Visible body changes. Of course, losing or gaining too much weight is one of the most common signs of anxiety. But things like losing more hair than normal or excessive sweating could also be a warning sign. For critical cases it could even affect your menstrual cycle!
- Compulsive behavior. I have the stupid habit of biting my nails, as well as picking on my skin. My daughter on the other hand tends to bite her hair. This all sounds gross but they are in fact a medical condition known as Body-Focused Repetitive Behavior – actual signs of anxiety that should be attended to before they escalate.
If you experience any of these, I strongly suggest seeking therapy or any other type of catalyst. For some, a change of habits will suffice. But to be honest, once anxiety reaches levels enough to cause physical symptoms, you may need some professional help.
Anxiety and the Worries of Future Past
Let’s have a talk. You, me, a beer or any beverage of your preference. Maybe some cookies, peanuts, or my favorite: toasts and hummus. Sit on this comfy sofa and tell me: what are your worries? The future? The past? The present? The imaginary catastrophic scenario in your head? Sometimes a good talk can give you LIFE – it’s nature’s best power-up! And also while you’re talking about it you realize… Things may not be as bad as your brain makes you think.
Not just patient. Confident!
I am not sure if you’re in the same immigrant stage as me. In fact, some people have it way worse, some have it way better. But while in this “bridge”, or stretched moment happening between my previous third-world life and my dream job in Europe, I have thought a lot about the perception of time. When I was in labor for my second daughter, I arrived at the hospital at midnight and the doctor sent me back home. She said “come back in the morning, at 7:00”.
I will never forget the time she said, 7:00 AM. Because as I screamed and bit and twisted at my grandma’s guest room, I thought “I cannot do this anymore”. At 3:30 AM I told my mom “I am going to give birth right here, I can’t handle the pain”. Fortunately that did not happen as much as I was super ready for it. We went to the hospital and my daughter was born at 4:05 AM. But during all that time, I was waiting for 7:00 AM, thinking the pain would go on and on and on for hours. It turns out that the pain was so strong because it was about to end.
So… What’s the issue?
In my country we say “there’s no bad thing that lasts a hundred years”. And while it sounds very cheesy, it goes way beyond positiveness: for me, the point is not just that bad times will end, of course they will! But also, as much as time seems endless, it feels like uncertainty is the real enemy. Whether it takes weeks, months or years, as long as we’re taking the right steps and taking care of ourselves and our loved ones, there is pretty much nothing more we can do. So why worry? It’s not like you can control what happens. You can’t. What you CAN do, is your best. Push that baby out.
Non-hippie Solutions for Anxiety
So, you refuse to get therapy? It’s okay. I get it. I have opted to get therapy online with my beloved psychologist from back home because here it is expensive and somehow not covered by social security. That is a good way to get affordable therapy, but ALSO, some other things may help:
Anything can be meditation
“But Andreína, I thought you said ‘non-hippie’ solutions”. Yes, I know, trust the process! See, meditation is not only about wearing linen clothes and sandals with tons of necklaces hanging from your neck while singing to the moon. In fact, you can find meditation in everyday activities. Remember the movie Soul from Pixar? When people did things they enjoyed, they entered a sort of “elevated” state. In real life, doing things you’re passionate about can help your body relax and clear your mind for a while.
Some people for example get it with exercise or sports – not my case at all. But good music, photography, bird-watching, knitting, dancing, and virtually anything could help you reach that state depending on your personal taste. So today, just ask yourself: what are the things that you REALLY enjoy? If you cannot answer, that is definitely a warning sign. Just saying.
Mind over matter
I know! Just wait for it. In my previous post about manifestation for skeptics, I think I made it pretty clear that although science cannot prove the supposed “Law of Attraction”, psychology can by all means prove that positive thinking similar to ‘manifestation’ will make positive changes in your mental health. The truth is, any doctor can agree that the mind plays a huge part in your health and overall wellbeing.
My advice? Go for it. Go for the wildest fantasies in your head and repeat them as much as you want. It’s better than all the garbage you throw into your own thoughts when doing any other normal stuff.
Acts of Self-Care
Back when my kids were toddlers and I had 3 different online jobs, I didn’t know what self-care was. I was lucky if I was able to shower every now and then. Now I understand that this stinky situation was only a consequence of isolation, and as I got more friends and my life together, it all started to go back to normal. This is how I did it:
- Stopped overworking myself no matter how much money was needed in my household. My first and unbreakable law: weekends, holidays and breaks are SACRED.
- Established a solid routine. That fortunately included personal hygiene, but also some other important things like mandatory tidying up before bed and making my bed in the morning. For people riddled with anxiety and/or depression, these are big steps!
- Reached out to friends and family. Make plans and go, even if you don’t feel like it. You can always leave if you don’t feel comfortable, but taking that first step is the real challenge you need to accept to begin with.
I really enjoyed opening myself to you with this post. But now I feel a bit weird, let’s not do that again. Please let me know about your experiences with anxiety and how you have managed to overcome mental freezing! I know my methods in particular are not the best but I share them in case they can help. Remember to follow me on Instagram and see you next time 🙂